so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
