Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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