i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
