he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
