you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
