Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize