If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
