do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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