Your dad touched me again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
