I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
