I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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