I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize