it's too hot outside to masturbate.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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