Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
