need another drink. this is the easiest way
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
