FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
