the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
