if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
