i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
