sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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