And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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