I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
