I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
