A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
