I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
