Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
