i think i have two assholes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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