I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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