so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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