Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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