Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize