It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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