Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
