Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
