You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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