Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
