She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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