His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
