i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
barbara walters just said penis...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
