We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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