Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
