remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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