you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize