just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Randomize
