If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
