You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
