Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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