Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
