Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
