I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
