Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
