I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
