I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
