I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
