I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
