Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
