Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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