you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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