i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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