go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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