youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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