it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
