Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
