you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize