Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
